Break and Control
by Bluehaven4220
Summary: He and I were both in hell, and there was no way to escape it.


**Title: Break and Control**

**Author: Bluehaven4220**

**Summary: He and I were both in hell, and there was no way to escape it **

**Reviews: yes, please. I like reviews!**

**Disclaimer: Own Alexander, Hephaistion, Olympias and Philip I do not (Santa didn't come through). Lyrics belong to 3 Days Grace. Please don't sue as I'm a student in her senior year and I need money for college.**

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_**I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**_

There was no other way to describe it. He and I were both in hell, and there was no way to escape it. As we rode through the deserts of Persia, her memory and influence hung over his head like a dark cloud. She influenced everything he said and did, just as she had when we were schoolboys. I do not quite know how to describe their relationship, but there was no denying that it was flawed. Olympias, his mother, thought him a divine being, she called him her 'Little Achilles', told him he was the son of Zeus. His father, King Philip, thought him a weak harpy, same as his mother. All his life he had attempted to break away, all the while trying to please both parties. It drove him mad on many an occasion and in times like those he would always turn to me.

_**So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal, this animal)**_

The darkest side of Alexander… was there such a thing? I couldn't imagine there was one. He was generally a dark, brooding man. I remember when we were schoolchildren we sat in a class taught by Aristotle, as Alexander described to our teacher that it had always been our Greek dream to go East, and asking questions like "If we, as Macedonians, are superior to the Persians, why is it that we don't control them?" I would always sit in awe of the things he would ask, thinking to myself why I did not do the same. Of course, there was a good reason for this course of action. He was Alexander, son of King Philip of Macedonia, and I was but Hephaistion… I was only the best companion of the prince.

_**I can't escape myself  
(I can't escape myself)  
So many times I've lied  
(So many times I've lied)  
But there's still rage inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself**_

Escape? What is the meaning of this word, escape? According to the knowledge I have gained throughout my years, escape is supposed to mean_ "to slip or get away, as from confinement or restraint; gain or regain liberty_." So I suppose there is no other way to describe that there wasn't any way for Alexander to _escape_ what had been bestowed upon him. He could not be liberated, as much as his actions begged for it. Often, I would have to sit by as his descent into madness began to spiral faster and faster… and I was always the one who had to pull him back. It soon became my duty to comfort him as he began to break, as he spiraled further and further out of control.

**_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal_**

**_Somebody help me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself  
Somebody wake me from this nightmare  
I can't escape this hell_**

**_(This animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)_**

**_So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal  
(This animal I have become)_**

My heart continued to break for him. Alexander wanted nothing more than to liberate the nations he conquered. Perhaps, in a way, he was liberating himself. For all those times he had been smothered, he was getting his revenge. I believe he was attempting to show that he would never be like his father, that he could be better, that he could lead. He never believed me when I told him that he had done enough, that everything he had done he had done for the betterment of Macedonia. No, my words were not enough.

They would never be enough. Even if I was Hephaistion, my words would never be enough.


End file.
